Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
