I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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