non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
