I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
