Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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