I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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