Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
