how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
