I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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