just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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