I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
