Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
