dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
