You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
