I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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