She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
