i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
