I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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