I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
