what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
