At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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