On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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