Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize