The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
