I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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