I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
