I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
