He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
