I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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