I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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