We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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