Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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