what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the day after is always just damage control
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize