Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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