Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
