Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
