he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
