But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
