do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is Oprah even human
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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