margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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