I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
