we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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