i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
