Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
