My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
