Welp...herpes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
