4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
