She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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