I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
