just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
