I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
