he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
