pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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