90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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