I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
