I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
