Betty ford says i'm here all night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
