textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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