That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think people are normalizing furries
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
