but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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