Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize