the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
