They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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