i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize