you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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