I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
