Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize