I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
