Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
