Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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