why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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