hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
