In the future we'll all be gay
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
